For Guys Who Want The Girl

Today, a public service announcement:

My flight back from the Caribbean last week happened to have a TON of teens on board. This included one very cute guy--I'd guess he was about fifteen or sixteen--who sat directly behind me. Every single teen girl on the flight took note of this guy. They were whispering about him before boarding, but didn't approach. A few of them walked by him veeeerrry slowly on the way to the lav or to talk to a friend. By the time we all hit baggage claim, several angled to stand beside him to wait for suitcases.

Even though he was smiling and being friendly, one by one, they moved away.

I elbowed my husband and said, "Told you!" as the last girl wandered off to stand near her friends. (Being the smart man he is, he replied with an, "Uh huh." He learned long ago to ignore me when, in a crowd, I say, "Watch what happens with that person. I bet that...")

I knew exactly what'd happen because Mr. Cute was sitting all of four feet behind me on the plane for three hours.

My tip to ANY guy reading this between the ages of 12 and 20: If you want a shot with the girl of your dreams, you MUST take a shower. DAILY. Then be sure to wear clothes that are relatively clean. It won't guarantee you that you'll get a girl, but it will keep them from running away and give you a huge advantage over the non-showered.

I know you're sure that you don't stink after a day of hanging out and doing nothing more strenuous than homework or a few rounds with the Wii. Ditto when you are behind on laundry and throw on clothes that have been fermenting at the bottom of your laundry basket for few days and pass your personal sniff test. But trust me, you reek to others. Even if you're the most gorgeous guy on the plane, even if YOU cannot smell it, the girls will walk away when they smell you.

Take this year's Oscars as a Guide To What Girls Want:

Exhibit A:  George Clooney.  Do a search online, and pick any photo you see of the guy.  You know he showered.

Exhibit B:  Colin Farrell at the Academy Awards.  If you saw him, you know his hair was hanging in his face and looked as greasy as if he'd spent a solid month living as Robinson Crusoe.  Fine if you're prepping for a role, not fine for the awards show.  Women will run.


Now, I'm not saying you have to dress or wear your hair like Clooney. You can keep that rebel edge and still look great. Case in point, Exhibit C:  Johnny Depp.  Yep, his hair is often hanging in his face, or otherwise mussed, but it's CLEAN.  You always know it's seen a comb in the last 24 hours, even if there's a little devil-may-care going on.  Depp's is the way to do fun, laid-back, and edgy without skipping the shower. Girls go nuts for this.

A final tip: Do not, I repeat, do NOT, wear a ton of cologne. (More than a dab = a ton.) It can be just as suffocating to girls as a Survivor-inspired shower strike.

So go forth, SHOWERED, and hopefully the girls will flock to you at baggage claim this spring break. (And, of course, you may feel free to sit near me anytime.)

And a P.S.: Turns out, I tied for second in my Oscar pool. Woot-woot! Next year, I plan to win the whole shebang!